So I am starting this blog about my life’s struggles in a relationship with a Narcissistic personality disorder man. I am still struggling at the moment but mainly to pay the bills, everything else I’ve learned to cope with, about 15 years off and on, a relationship with in a narcissistic personality disorder person, I thought I would be bitter and grumpy, just mad at the world and everything in it but I came out happy, still have my sanity, peaceful, still loving and care for others, hard worker, I just feel like I lost a lot of time, precious time. I have 3 boys with him sometimes just feel sorry that the kids are not going to be able to grow up with there father right here in the house which is one of the biggest thing for me was to keep my family together which is why I stayed and suffered for that long. I love my kids I mean I wouldn’t trade them for anything in this world, my parents are still together, I grew up with a mother and a father that’s what I wanted for them. After a while I noticed that wasn’t going to be the case and right now I am okay with it because I am still alive and well despite of everything that have happened to me, I’m able to live my life at peace apart from him trying to get back in to my life again. It is unbelievable how one person that I have taken out of my life and my life have changed completely, I never thought it would be like this.
In a relationship with an Narcissistic can be the worst life to live and almost impossible to leave. I’ve realized that they know how to manipulate you and they know what to do, what to say and they stick to a certain type of person, nice, caring, calm hard working with all the patiences in the world, I mean I guess I fit the profile. I mean even though you know that this life can’t be real, this can not be love, somehow you hope everything will turn around one day and we would have the perfect family, so I just kept praying and forgiving him for whatever he does to me I mean that’s what the bible says to do right?
I moved around a lot because when things get to be too much I get the kids and get out, sometimes I go to parent’s house, shelters or just move to another place by myself with the kids, that’s until he starts to tell me everything I want to hear, Baby I have realized I have been treating you bad, then he would give some type of excuse, but if I would to take him back everything would be different, he’s been talking to some elderly men that have gone through the same thing and what they had to do to save their family, ‘’GIVE ME 1 LAST CHANCE TO MAKE THIS RIGHT I LOVE MY FAMILY PLEASE 1 LAST CHANCE, YOU WILL SEE EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED WITH ME’’. I never really believed him, he doesn’t even change the words around, it’s just the same words everytime. After a while I knew what he was going to say before he said it, but I always have this thing in the back of my head that says, what if he did change am I ready to let another woman enjoy the good after I have taken all the bad, I mean maybe this time he really changed and by now he learned that I would leave him again if he continued to do the same things, but what I didn’t realize at the time that he have also learned that I would also come back, all he really have to do is tell me what I want to hear.
Everyone I know have 1 Question for me, how do you know if you won’t go back to him again, I mean I hate to hear it but I can’t blame them because that’s the way it has been off and on again and again. The answer I give to them is I’m done this time I have realized a lot, like moving around a lot, I run from him so many times and I always let him come back, now I have realized the the one person that I’m running from is the one I keep letting come back then I have to do the same thing after I have realized he have not changed for real. The kids were getting tired of moving more than anything else, family and friends telling me I need to stop moving around and leaving him then turn around and take him back. I was also tired, drained nothing left in me to give him, I wanted my kids to be steady, I wanted peace in my life, no more moving around, no more roller coaster relationship, I have learned you can’t change people but you can change yourself, I am as bad as him if I know something is not working for me I should change it. So I did I changed myself, this is it no more. Please continue to follow as I will be telling it all; from least to worst that happened in this relationship and what it really took for me to really make a decision to get out and stay out.